Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Even the word "waddle" is inelegant.

I'm sitting on a whole mess of blog post ideas right now. But I'm dealing with some major job-market craziness right now (there's one of the blog posts!) so they will have to stew around in my brain for a few more days.

But I am definitely feeling more pregnant these days, so I thought that I would check in briefly with some modest revelations.

1) I'm getting bigger! I have a decided leading edge these days--my belly protrudes a good 2-3 inches further than it used to. I have decided to measure my belly's progress by the depth of my belly button, which is getting frighteningly shallow.

2) On a similar note, I've had a few belly-related incidents lately. I have bumped several restaurant patrons with it, and had at least one plate-tipping incident at a physics-department function.

3) That said, the extent to which my belly flies it's colors publicly depends heavily on what I'm wearing. I'm not nearly as big as the average 4-to-5-month-pregnant lady, and in an appropriate set of clothes, I barely look pregnant at all. I tried on my suit this afternoon (I have a preliminary interview tomorrow) and not only did it fit (barely), but with the jacket buttoned, I look remarkably like my pre-pregnancy self. At the same time, slap a t-shirt on me, and I'm definitely belly-tacular.

4) Despite being in the land of candy-pooping unicorns known as the second trimester, being pregnant still sucks. Among the many sucky elements are the following:
*I'm only allowed to sleep on my left side. I hate sleeping on only one side.
*A variety of pelvic pain from relaxin-related tendon stretching
*Severely limited diet coke consumption
*Leg cramps
*Hip cramps
*Foot cramps (detect a pattern?)
*Very little sleep, despite limited diet coke consumption
*An increasingly waddle-like gait
*Constant hunger

5) On the plus side, the constant hunger means that I have the green light to eat some things that would normally be off the menu--namely, red meat. I apparently let myself get a wee bit deficient in something, because I have been engaged in a week-long red meat binge. It started with an emergency late-night ground beef run. I knew that I was in trouble when I looked at that pile of emergency beef and had an overwhelming urge to eat the whole pound raw. Since then, Ross has made me steak twice and I've had at least one (usually two) meals a day containing red meat.

6) I feel much better now, thank you.

7) Waddling is a very inefficient method of locomotion. I have yet to determine who I complain to about this.

8) This would be much easier without narcolepsy. On the other hand, I've had some really epic freaky dreams, including one featuring zombie superman. It turns out that zombie superman is a real bastard.

9) Ross is wonderful. But you knew that already.

1 comment:

OrnaVerum said...

"Waddle" might be inelegant, but there are some proper names which are very similar to that word which are widely regarded to be the very apex of elegance.